To say that these past few days have been anything that can be described as ‘pleasant’ or ‘enjoyable’ would be an out right lie.
It has certainly been an experience which is not likened to that of a summers day, but more of a dark room with no sign of escape.
As well as things which are best left unsaid occurring the vulture I call my father is beating down upon my soul like a hammer to glass, and my mother nagging for such opportunities which are either not possible or not happening.
My dearest of friends saying promises of abilities that although I’ve been told I posses, I really cannot see such a thing.
My own mortality is certainly one that I cannot myself comprehend to such degrees of happiness / sadness and general thoughts and motives.
With such wide and jittery thoughts of such mad things which everyone knows impossible, my latest is bringing people back to life using galvanization.
To smoke my little heart out and observe the stars in wonder would be wondrous, however I maintain that a bottle of vodka and a mixer of some description is probably the easiest way to endure the world.
Or at least the simplest way to get to sleep each night.
Unless you can dance or you’re attached to someone. It is the hardest and most tedious place of socializing for any thinker on this planet.
Right now I’m struggling with this coat. It’s nice but boy is it warm in here!
A friend of mine on Christmas Eve this year asked me a question while we were both drunk, and although I answered with a blank answer I’d thought I’ll give a comprehensive list regarding the question. The first answer was the one I gave, in no particularly order.
"What are you most afraid of?"
1. Dying alone.
2. Finding out I’m unimportant.
3. Going insane.
4. Being lost.
5. Feeling dead inside.
6. What lurks in the dark.
7. Finding out that nothing good will come from my life.
8. Never loving myself
9. Never being remembered
10. Knowing that all my life I’m going to be cowaring in the corners of situations trying not to be noticed for fear someone will question me.
and now the big one.
11. Wanting at some point should some of the other listed above get the better of me, the wanting (need) to kill myself.
A bit morbid I know especially for Christmas Day but it’s my blog and no one can tell me that I’m doing it wrong with my actually caring about it.
Anonymous asked: What would you say to someone at rock bottom, who's thrown it all away and is trying so desperately to put things right, but is failing all the same?
What would I say, what would there be to say.
I can say nothing on this matter for no words from my mouth would help / aid the problem in hand.
If I were in a similar situation I would have probably given up, but then again I give up now and I’m not in such a situation.
Follow your heart and dreams and pursue them until the end of time, Hopefully in time the people you wish to get in touch with will grow some and listen.
Never had much luck with it myself mind you.