Unless you can dance or you’re attached to someone. It is the hardest and most tedious place of socializing for any thinker on this planet.
Right now I’m struggling with this coat. It’s nice but boy is it warm in here!
A friend of mine on Christmas Eve this year asked me a question while we were both drunk, and although I answered with a blank answer I’d thought I’ll give a comprehensive list regarding the question. The first answer was the one I gave, in no particularly order.
"What are you most afraid of?"
1. Dying alone.
2. Finding out I’m unimportant.
3. Going insane.
4. Being lost.
5. Feeling dead inside.
6. What lurks in the dark.
7. Finding out that nothing good will come from my life.
8. Never loving myself
9. Never being remembered
10. Knowing that all my life I’m going to be cowaring in the corners of situations trying not to be noticed for fear someone will question me.
and now the big one.
11. Wanting at some point should some of the other listed above get the better of me, the wanting (need) to kill myself.
A bit morbid I know especially for Christmas Day but it’s my blog and no one can tell me that I’m doing it wrong with my actually caring about it.
Anonymous asked: What would you say to someone at rock bottom, who's thrown it all away and is trying so desperately to put things right, but is failing all the same?
What would I say, what would there be to say.
I can say nothing on this matter for no words from my mouth would help / aid the problem in hand.
If I were in a similar situation I would have probably given up, but then again I give up now and I’m not in such a situation.
Follow your heart and dreams and pursue them until the end of time, Hopefully in time the people you wish to get in touch with will grow some and listen.
Never had much luck with it myself mind you.
To the occupier,
It has been thirteen years since we last spoke, and I’d be surprised if you even live here anymore. I just want to let you know I’m sorry, I could have been so many things and yet I’ve failed every time.
Despite my mood and damning nature some good has come out of it. I’ve made a few friends, seen a few places, and felt so many things. I’ve done things that I once vowed never to do before, I would ask for help but it’s too late.
Me like many others who I have been travelling with have faced fate and come back strangers to our own kind. I feel cold and alone and I hope that you are still with the characters we used to hang around with, although strange looking they were cool.
The things we used to do together, eating sweets in a pillow for while watching cartoons so many years ago now. When complications were a thing of the past and the idea of relationships was silly, strange, and almost painful. Well, that hasn’t really changed much they still are!
I plea your forgiveness, I never should have left, I never should have thought it silly or ridiculous of you to do the things you did. So I plea my history, my better days, take me back.
Oh 5 year old me, why did I ever leave you.